Deconstructing the Donald
Although I'm not a consistent viewer, I consider NBC's The Apprentice a guilty pleasure. The high-pressure competition angle suckers me in every time. But I also love the show as a window into the world of American business and its well-scrubbed strivers.
Here's what I've learned.
1) Always laugh at the boss's jokes. The lamer the joke, the bigger the laugh. After all, it's about his ego, not your pleasure.
2) The boss wants you to be just like him, only quieter and less succesful.
3) The boss is insane. Not in a funny way (see #1 above), just in a vain, capricious, obnoxious, never had to answer to anyone else kind of way. The richer the boss, the crazier the boss.
4) Your job is to be noticeable without provoking the boss's ire. This is especially difficult, given that you need to be like him (vain, obnoxious), while he's being like him (capricious, insane).
5) Never take a stand on principle. It pisses off the boss. Except when it doesn't (see #3).
6) When you lose because you had a really bad idea that you've really badly executed, blame the one person who bothered to dissent from the beginning and accuse them of not being a loyal "team player." This ALWAYS works.
7) When in doubt, throw the weirdest person on your team under the bus. It doesn't matter that they didn't do anything wrong. It doesn't matter that this may be the one creative person you've got. They're weird, and nobody likes the weirdo. Not even your insane boss. The last thing corporate America needs is weird people sucking up to their insane superiors.
I'm sure I've missed something, but these are the core lessons. Of course, you could have learned all this from Dilbert or The Office. But those are fiction, not documentary. Any wonder at what happened when the CEO-wannabes took over the US government?
posted by tenaciousmcd @ 6:50 PM
4 Comments:
Sadly, much of this advice works reasonably well for junior faculty in an academic department. For "boss" substitute, "most famous senior scholar in your field in the department."
Is it too obvious to point this out? Rule #6 is the prime directive of the Bush administration.
Sam, as you have deduced, #6 is the heart of the post. I saw it happen (again) on Apprentice Sunday night, and it made me think of the Bushies.
I would, however, add another lesson: (8) The boss believes that virtue means "loyalty." It is the only stand on principle he recognizes. He will not practice it himself.
What is this, some kind of Straussian posting? I have to read between the lines to get the point? To quote* the fat guy in "Purple Rain," "Your music makes sense to no one but yourself." (*paraphrase)
Guilty pleasure, huh? A lot to feel guilty for, perhaps, but does "The Apprentice" provide even a modicum of pleasure? Coming from the guy quoting "Purple Rain."
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