Explosion at the Nutjob Factory

Now that my semester is finally over--have I ever said that it's a bad idea to have a second child while finishing up five classes with 150 students at two schools?--I've been thinking once again about the fate of the conservative movement. We've had another month replete wit' da crazy as a rudderless GOP has desperately sought to find itself. What's a fit end to such a prolonged bout of adolescent narcissism? No vision quest or motorcycle Zen for these lads. No, it's all lashing out, teen rebellion in full "Whata'ya got!?" mode: down with "socialism," "communism," "fascism," teleprompters, pirate coddlers, Chavez appeasers, torture scoffers, tattoo removers, volcano monitors, gay marriers, "anal poisoners," big(ger) spenders, hypothetical future taxers, auto bailers, global currency adopters, no jacket in the Oval Office wearers, "rule of law" restorers, judicial empathizers, anti-Limbaugh laughers, and Portugese water hounders.

What a bunch of biddies. It's backbiting hour at the knitting club--they're less Brando than the Golden Girls, dreaming of the big dicks they sucked in bygone days (ooo, did you see that Ronnie Reagan!) while jumping at the smallest spider and peeing in their pants at the slightest provocation. Chicken hawk conservatism has become Chicken Little conservatism.

When I wrote, two and a half years ago, about the collapse of the "Conservative Era" I had some doubters, and although it still may prove premature, that post holds up pretty well in current light. Having lost House, Senate, and White House in successive landslide elections, the GOP has started eating its own. Limbaugh, Powell, and Cheney are all debating who should get kicked out of the little tent, and Richard Posner, one of the few intellectual wingers left at the party, has just called for the lights to be turned out. All depends, of course, on Obama's ability to govern. But if he can, and the signs are good, this could be the realignment Karl Rove longed for, just in reverse. Any wonder that Rove repeatedly insults Obama with exact descriptions of his own rule ("hardball," "polarizing," "partisan," "political"). No higher Rovean compliment than the last. He clearly sees his own lost victories realized in his enemies', and it is not so slowly driving him insane. In a few years, he'll be living in a gutter, marinating in his own vomit and filth, and shouting intermittent slurs like a sailor with Tourette's. Which, come to think of it, won't be very different from his current gig on FOX News.

So get out while you can, all ye true "conservatives": ye Souters and Specters and Powells. The reactionaries are in charge, and they want to throw you off the Titanic lest your weight sink their tilting ship. Reagan's rule--"no enemies on the right"--has finally been realized as "no friends in the center." The GOP will live on, and the crazies will one day come raging back. But, for now, best to leave them alone as they lunge toward their iceberg. Maybe that's a problem global warming can one day solve, but the moderates surely cannot.