Can't Anybody Here Play This Game?

George Will's column today offers a take down of Fred Thompson, the GOP's latest presidential savior. Of course, this is the same Will who accused a certain George W. of lacking"gravitas" back in 2000 before dancing chorus line in the lickspittle follies for five years. Like Orwell's Oceanians, Wingnuts can turn on a dime.

Nonetheless, the column is a useful window into the sad state of the GOP field right now. Will laments the dearth of viable "conservative" candidates and compares his party to a man clinging to a cliff-face, praying to God for help--and then not liking what he's told. Looking at this batch of wannabes, it is tempting to ask, a la Casey Stengel, can't anybody here play this game? Some of them may have high public favorability ratings, but their campaign weaknesses are glaring, and the primary season promises to be a bloodletting of Baghdadi proportions. Rudy has a crony/mobby problem. Johnny Mac needs a hundred troops, five copters and a flak jacket just to shop for dinner. The Mittster wins the all-important Ann Coulter primary but still has to explain away his "I'll out-gay Ted Kennedy" past and his gonna become a god and get his own planet future. Sammy B. couldn't find a quarter in the seat cushions of his Jesusmobile. Newt "Angel of the Cancer Ward" Gingrich no likely the Espanol. And Freddie isn't really a conservative, he just plays one on TV. Is Bush contagious? Have kool-aid cons gotten so accustomed to saying patently ludicrous things in public that they can't even imagine another campaign strategy?

I hate to say something positive about the Dem candidates: such optimism would violate all protocols of both the party and the MSM. But our guys look amazing by comparison. Meanwhile, Bush pursues one bad stratagem after another: "I know, we'll accuse the Democrat Congress of wanting to get our troops out of Iraq a year and a half from now!" "Hey, let's hang on to Gonzo at all costs, the longer this scandal drags out the better!" "I bet if we use a recess appointment for the Swift Boater, Congress will get the message and submit meekly to our will!" As a Democrat, I can barely keep my latte from spraying gleefully from every orifice as I read this stuff in the wingnut press (i.e., the MSM). Keep it up, guys. We've got a long campaign season ahead of us.