Freedom from Blog

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Staples Are a Menace

So I sell some used (and a few new) books on This requires me, from time to time, to go to the post office to ship my sales ("media mail" is a great thing). This last week I didn't have the usual self-adhesive envelopes but instead ones with flaps that had to be sealed with something (e.g., tape). So I stapled the flaps shut and went on my merry way.

But at the post office, I was informed by the clerk, staples are against postal policy. Staples on a package must be covered in tape. "OK, no problem," I say. I had a few things without staples, so I decided to mail those, anyway.

The clerk, however, decided to lecture me on the dangers of staples to mail carriers. On and on and on about how you can cut your fingers on staples, how postal carriers can't wash their hands "out on the street," if and when they cut themselves, how cuts get infected, because of staples, how some postal carrier in Southwest almost lost her finger, how staples are sharp and made of metal . . . and just when you though there was nothing more to say about staples as one of the greatest threats to our way of life, she started it over . . . how this woman in Southwest cut her finger and if I didn't believe it (why wouldn't I, exactly?), I could go down to Southwest and view the finger (????), how staples are sharp and made of metal. On and on and on.

I said nothing during the whole time. I wasn't argumentative--indeed, other than the inconvenience of having to go back, I didn't really care. But boy, did she care.

So watch out for those staples, folks. They are sharp and made of metal. You can cut yourself on them. And cuts can get infected. And if you don't believe that, apparently they have a woman in Southwest who once cut her finger and is willing to share it with you.


At 2:58 PM, Blogger ninophile said...

Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming; there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out, but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks! And it's Publishers Clearing House day!

At 12:45 AM, Blogger Wilson said...

This is amazing. I'm going to using an entirely absurd number of staples on a package and bring it to that very post office. It will blow their minds.

Also, as a libertarian who opposes the very institution of the post office, I've finally learned their weakness! I'm going to get on the wire, and tell them how to bring those sons of bitches down!


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